autism, "too nerd, too normal", and other stuff
autism
I'm considering getting tested for autism after a conversation with my family. If I'm really on the spectrum, my whole life suddenly makes a lot more sense.
I've always been ignorant about autism, and it never crossed my mind that I could be autistic. I'm honestly still skeptical because it's easy to read a list of symptoms and think you fit several of them, and I don't know anyone who has been diagnosed with autism to check if these things on internet are even true.
Hyperfixations, severe social awkwardness, masking, feeling too different from everyone else, emotional meltdowns, touch aversion, sensory overload (I'm still confused about what that actually is), issues with empathy, mimicking other people's behavior, saying rude things unintentionally and only realizing it later and regretting it, and other issues...
Like, if someone I know is crying, I have absolutely no clue what to do or say besides gently tapping their arm.
"too nerdy, too normal"
I have no one to talk to about my hobbies, like video games, books, or anime/manga. In real life, I feel like I'm too nerdy for most people, and on the internet, I feel like I'm way too normal for nerds. I don't like socializing, but sometimes it gets kind of lonely.
For games and manga, before I left social media, I tried Tumblr, Twitter, and Reddit, but I felt disconnected from people there. I'm not sure if it's okay to say this, but maybe it's because of the age difference. Since games/manga/anime are mostly catered to teens and young adults, I felt that people there have a very different way of interpreting and engaging with media, and it feels alien to me.
Our tastes are definitely not the same. I don't really care about the things they care about, and they don't care about the things I care about. Also, fandom spaces make my hyperfixations worse and aren't good for my health. And the fact is, I've never loved anything the way fans do, I've never been a fan of anything, so even praises feels excessive.
For books, I have no clue where to find people with similar tastes. Since I'm mostly a lurker, I think a simple Discord server where I can read people discussing interesting topics and recommending books would be enough. I also prefer people with diverse tastes and an open mind, because that's what I strive to be. I feel like most people on the internet only have extreme opinions, and I don't want to be like that. To be honest, sometimes I get the impression that it's always the same opinions, too. I don't know.
world cup
While I don't really like football, I'm quite enjoying keeping up with the scores with my family. I love cheering for whichever team is losing.
hobbies
Games: I played Pragmata, I quite liked the combat and the game is short so it never got repetitive. Books: I want to read science fiction, but I dislike space opera and alien stuff. I got some books written by Philip K. Dick, I wonder If I'm going to enjoy it.
I'm too lazy to type more, so I guess this is it. o/